Pimp My Bio 2017

Having previously written a Pitchwars mentee bio for the 2015 contest, I’ve decided to up the ante this time by outing myself publicly as an Evil Space Monster From Beyond. I know this will come as a shock to a great many people (less so others–Mom, Dad, Agnes, Lucas . . .), but I feel it’s important to announce this now to set myself apart from the rest of the (human) crowd.

Feeding off fresh human flesh has long put me at a disadvantage, professionally speaking. While applying for PhD programs it was often the case that application forms would explicitly prohibit flesh-eating within the walls of academic institutions, meaning that days spent lecturing, TAing, or attending classes would see me missing important meals and lacking essential nutrients (like those provided by human bone marrow). Luckily, Concordia University’s Religious Studies department provides a safe haven for us self-identified muscle-masticating monsters, and I now have the opportunity to live openly and comfortably while pursuing higher education on a full stomach (watch out if you’re late to class!).

While most days I take advantage of the plowed and salted sidewalks to walk to campus, I am also lucky enough to have been provided two feline space beasts, who I will occasionally harness to my death chariot for faster-than-light travel. The nice lady at the cat rescue seemed to think these were normal animals, but I think you’ll agree that Figure 1 proves otherwise:
Figure 1. (undoctored)

Somehow, despite the rigors of coursework and grading, I completed my second manuscript (formerly and affectionately known–by me–as Lesbian Vikings) this winter. Since, as an Evil Space Monster From Beyond, I love tearing things into itty-bitty pieces, the prospect of revising Lesbian Vikings during Pitchwars appeals to me on a primal level.

As a mentee, I promise not to bite (much).


About invisibleflyingtrolleybus

Steve is a transmasculine spec-fic author, academic, and hobby store manager. He aspires to one day purchase his own trailer, where he will live off deep-fried roadkill, and prostitute his children.
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3 Responses to Pimp My Bio 2017

  1. Lesbian Vikings sounds great! Vikings in general are super cool – no love triangles with dudes sounds even better. 😀 Lady Vikings probably smelled better anyway. And they always had beach hair from the salty spray, I bet.

    I went to school in Rochester, NY – 9 months a year of paved sidewalks and misery describes my years there haha.

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